


A Love That Hurts

by DarkInk



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Consensual Violence, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-09-23 09:26:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9649673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkInk/pseuds/DarkInk
Summary: After returning from hell, with most of his memories intact, Sam feels broken. When he finally finds his brother working at a local bar, he decides he doesn't want to have any more regrets, and begins to tell Dean what he's always thought about his brother.





	1. Bat Out Of Hell

**Author's Note:**

> The following events take place at the beginning of the 6th season.  
> PS: This is my first post on the site so please forgive any errors.  
> PPS: Please leave feedback in the comments and I will be eternally grateful.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After returning from hell, with most of his memories intact, Sam feels broken. When he finally finds his brother working at a local bar, he decides he doesn't want to have any more regrets, and begins to tell Dean what he's always thought about his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following events take place at the beginning of the 6th season.  
> PS: This is my first post on the site so please forgive any errors.  
> PPS: Please leave feedback in the comments and I will be eternally grateful.

When Sam first woke up, all he wanted was a drink. Every bone in his body was screaming in pain and he had the foolish notion that maybe some whiskey could numb that ache and help him forget his crappy year in hell.

After hitching a ride with a mechanic and his wife, Sam was now slumped on a park bench outside of the local bar, trying to summon the strength to stand up and go inside. Struggling with each step, he limped through the swinging door and booked to the nearest bar stool. The ambiance was nice: Soft yellow lights, quiet music, and the smell of liquor everywhere. It had been a long time since Sam had seen any kind of light.

A busty girl with long, fluffy, brown hair walked up to the counter. “What can I get ya handsome?” she drawled. “Whiskey” Sam said and she bounced away. When she returned with his drink, she tried yet again to start up a conversation with him. “The name’s Mandy, how ‘bout you sweetie?” He almost laughed at the ridiculous nickname but his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice. “Hey, Mandy, I’m here now, you can head on home for the night.” She nodded, smiling at the man whose back was still turned to them. “Bye Dean, have a good night now!” she said, tits bouncing as she quickly untied her apron. Sam choked on his whiskey. “Dean?” he said, so quietly he could hardly be heard.

 


	2. Slow Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has been suffering for a while before Dean finally comes back from Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW whenever I get kudos I literally squeal! I have big plans for this fic!  
> So, PLEASE leave comments/questions and I will be eternally grateful!

Dean was working the late shift that night. He had to nowadays because he couldn't really sleep too well. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Sam, burning, screaming in the pits of hell. He would wake up sweating and shouting desperate curses. Mandy said he shouldn't be working in a place like this, but he didn't care much what was "good for him". All he knew was that this was the only place he felt remotely safe. He could drown his dark, scary, depressive thoughts in the sound of glasses clinking and men swearing at the television.

Mandy had become an unlikely friend. The fact that she wasn't very bright actually helped a lot. She didn't ask why Dean had scars on his arms where he'd carved ancient symbols in failed attempts to summon a demon that might be able to find his brother. She didn't tell the boss when Dean started drinking the bar's liquor late at night instead of serving customers. Best of all she never judged him when he called out sick for weeks at a time because he was too depressed to even get out of bed.

Recently though, Mandy had been looking a little tired, which was quite unlike her. He supposed it was a good thing her shift was almost over. Shaking his head, he walked from the back room to the bar where Mandy was beginning to take someone's order. 

“Hey, Mandy, I’m here now, you can head on home for the night.” 

She turned to him, nodded and smiled, "Bye Dean, have a good night now!" she said as she untied her apron.

Behind her he could hear a low gravely voice barely audible choke out, "Dean?"


	3. Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean needs to know that he's not just dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW whenever I get kudos/comments I get so excited, so thank you!   
> Leave comments/questions and I will be eternally grateful!  
> (If you have any suggestions let me know!)

Sam felt his heart jump into his throat when the older male turned around. He wasn’t ready. He couldn’t do this right now. He was still too broken.

Dean was not quite the same as Sam remembered him. His eyes were red and he had random cuts and bruises along his forearms.

Dean’s eyes widened and stung with dry tears. God, is this real? He wondered. He blinked hard and in a daze, walked around the bar to stand in front of his little brother. He couldn’t breath, could hardly even stand. Please let him be real. He begged silently. He’d had so many dreams like this. For Sammy to be alive, he would stay asleep forever. “Sam?” he said looking up to his little brother. Sam’s brown eyes were dark and broken, but they were still his, still real. 

Sam stepped backward. He wasn’t ready, but it was too late. He knew he’d have to find Dean eventually he just didn’t think it would be so soon.

“Hey man” he said with a unconvincing half-smile, “Let’s go outside for a bit.” and Dean nodded silently.

As he followed his younger brother, Sam noticed how skinny Dean seemed. As soon as the doors slammed shut Dean hands were taking fistfuls of his shirt and shaking. 

“God Sammy, how long? I- How? Fuck. You’re here. Alive.” The words came tumbling out before he could even process them.

Sam, slightly shocked by the sudden outburst took a deep breath and then covered his brothers strong hands with his own and they let slowly let go of the fabric of his shirt.

Something about the strength, the powerful feeling of Sam, his solid, real hands on Dean’s own calmed him. He was okay. He was alive.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean takes Sam back to his motel and Sam struggles with some dark thoughts/feeling toward his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little clunky with transitions, but...I tried!  
> Anyway, comments, ideas, and suggestions are always appreciated and I love to know where y'all think this could be headed. xoxoxo

Sam used every ounce of control in his body to keep his hands from shaking when Dean grabbed him. He didn’t know what to feel. In hell, he had been starved of physical contact. The only touch he was ever afforded had been in the midst of mind numbing torture. At the same time that he craved the feeling, it brought back vivid, bloody memories of pain. 

“Dean, I’m okay!” he lied, feeling his brother relax and let go of his shirt.

“Let’s get you home Sammy.” said Dean.  
Dean lead Sam out to the curb and hailed the nearest taxi. Sam said nothing, but he was surprised Dean hadn’t brought the Impala to work. Dean saw the look and shook his head. 

“I sold her Sammy. I-I sold almost everything to pay for all of the-well-I was trying to bring you back.” he said and Sam decided not to question him right then.

When they finally got back to the shabby motel room Dean waved his brother in “Come, let’s get you something to eat.”

Sam scarfed down beef jerky, scrambled eggs, and peanut butter sandwiches until Dean ran out of food in the pantry and then he got them both a beer. After a couple of sips it was evident his brother was at least a little more relaxed, while he, on the other hand was still on edge. While he loved Dean and would like nothing more than to hug him tight until the world made sense, he also felt something dark and terrible deep inside of himself; remnants of his time in Hell. Something far, far back in his subconscious wanted him to hurt Dean badly. 

That feeling stayed there practically aching all night while he talked to his older brother about his escape. When Dean finally passed out on the couch, Sam got his jacket and boots on and took a long walk, hoping to unwind a bit, and instead found himself obsessing over the dark thoughts. The only thing that could push the disturbing ideas away was a memory: Deans smaller, strong hands fisting his shirt and how undeniable good the touch had felt.


End file.
